When a former U.S. Marine officer sits at his desk and sobs uncontrollably for no apparent reason, well, you have to know something is not right. My work, my social life--everything--had become dysfunctional. I was in big trouble. I knew that. I'd been aware of it for a long time. And it was getting worse (if that was possible). But that spontaneous outburst of tears sure was an alarm siren to me. Something had to change. My life had become impossible. But how was I going to fix it when I didn't know what to fix or what was wrong? By some fluke of fate I happened to latch onto the six steps in the Lazarus story and thought there might be something here for me. When I got to Step Two I knew I was right. I read that chapter four times and was so excited I wanted to run out into the street and set off some fireworks to celebrate. I knew--I mean really knew--I would find my answer here. I would find what was wrecking my life. I would identify whatever it was and I would blast that thing into oblivion! As I worked with Step Two, the identity of this monstrous obstacle in my life soon surfaced, and it blew me away. There was no doubt in my mind, no doubt whatsoever, this was the thing holding me prisoner. Ah, yes, there he was. Wayne. Tall, good looking, muscular, and vile. I was only four years old when he became my step-father and not quite five when the horror began. For the next two years, whenever we were alone in the house, he forced me to do awful things. And he threatened to beat me severely and tell my mother I was a bad boy and that she would send me away if I ever told anyone. So I never did. I existed in a prison of dread and shame. When I was seven my mother died and I went to live with an aunt and uncle in another part of the country, where I shoved those two hideous years as far away from me as possible. Buried them. Buried them deep. As I became a teenager and enjoyed my life in my new environment, I thought I had forgotten Wayne forever. I graduated from college and then joined the U.S. Marine Corps. What I never realized was that what I thought I had buried long ago was stealthily expanding year by year until it eventually ruled my life. Those early nightmare years were still festering below the surface, and by the time I was an adult, the severe damage had me locked in its grip. As I worked with Step Two things started coming into clear view, and for the first time in my life I felt the possibility of overcoming whatever the thing was that had been holding me captive. Wow! I took a week of sick leave from my job to spend full-time working on my personal blueprint in the Lazarus story. Believe me, I was sick--emotionally sick. I was useless and non-functioning. To summarize, obviously my buried anger toward Wayne had been eroding my life, grotesquely invading everything I did. I had never been able to let go of Wayne and the unconscionable acts he had committed. After identifying this long-term seething resentment, I was able to realize all the pain and abuse were not about me. IT WAS NOT ABOUT ME. It was all about Wayne and his own deranged mind. When I understood this I was stunned by how easily I let go of my hatred and anger. Once I had identified what was ruining my life, I knew the thing was too huge and too embedded for me to get rid on my own. I wouldn't have a clue about how to break free of it. But Step Two guided me so unbelievably well that I soon was free of all the negative, destructive emotions that had been hiding in me, eating away at my life. I was now ready to start a new life. I have to tell you, the change was so dramatic I thought it might not be real and went through a "crossing my fingers and holding my breath" period, which is not the thing to do, I know. But the change was real and I went on to complete all six of the steps. Everything in my life has shifted for the better. For the first time I am able to have a meaningful relationship with a woman, whereas before I was afraid of intimacy. (In retrospect, that's probably why I chose the Marines.) And now here's the real proof of what I call the miracle. I can honestly say if I were to meet Wayne today I would not feel sick to my stomach with the old fear and hatred. In fact, I would feel only pity for him. That's how far I've come.